In this post we interview Lisa from The Wedding Cat about why she thinks she was a bad bridesmaid. She describes herself as a recent bride, who DIY’d the majority of her Detroit wedding, with a little help from friends and family. Besides writing and interviewing you might catch her looking at cat pictures.
What are your favorite parts of being a bridesmaid?
The wedding-related events like the bridal shower, bachelorette, and getting ready together the morning of the wedding. Plus it’s fun to meet new people from the bride’s life. I’ve made really good friends with bridesmaids I’ve met through friend’s weddings.
What was your role or your approach when being a bridesmaid?
I’ve never been a Maid of Honor, so I’ve never had the leadership role. I’m a great planner, but I never wanted to step on any toes to take charge. In the past I was terrible at knowing what I was supposed to do in these traditional social settings. In turn I’m not sure I’ve been the best bridesmaid at times!
So what made you realize later on that you may not have been the best bridesmaid in the past?
Becoming a bride! I didn’t realize all of the little annoying things are what bother you as a bride. It’s not really the bigger things. When I’d get a phone call or text with , for example, a minor complaint about the hotel rooms, that’s what drove me crazy. I could make all the big decisions about the cake or the caterer no problem. But one little complaint would send me over the edge. I wasn’t really aware of what the bride was going through when I was a bridesmaid.
What would you do different as a bridesmaid now based on what you learned from the bride side?
I would tune into the wedding related traditions so I could understand what the bride is feeling or experiencing. In general I would be more aware of what others around me are feeling and what they might be dealing with. In the past, for example, I looked at the bachelorette party as a way to show the bride a great time without even considering how stressed she probably was organizing the wedding. I wouldn’t just assume it’s ok to go full speed ahead in the celebration with everyone because that is the standard thing to do. I’d stop and see what the bride really wants!
Did being a bridesmaid before you were a bride help shape the way you treated your bridesmaids?
I don’t really think it did other than I tried to make everything cheap and easy for them. I chose dresses that were on clearance ($39.99!!) and I let them do whatever they wanted with shoes, jewelry, hair, and makeup.
What tips do you have for current or future bridesmaids to help make it easier on them?
It helps to periodically check in to say “do you need anything?” and remind her she can be honest with you. Encourage her to speak out to you if something is not going the way she envisioned, and promise to discreetly help handle any conflicts that may come up. If she’s not sure what she wants, offer to do research or make phone calls to help her figure it out. Things get crazy busy as the wedding approaches. Make sure that each bridesmaid’s role is clearly defined so there is no miscommunication. Whether it’s about money or time contributed, sometimes people don’t realize what is expected of them unless they are directly told. I wish that someone would have been direct with me as a bridesmaid to snap me out of whatever fog I was in. Just told me what to do, or what to pay for!
Thank you Lisa for taking the time to talk with us! If you would like to see more from Lisa and her adventures in wedding planning you can find her at the following places:
What do you think about Lisa’s tips? Were you a good bridesmaid? Did being a bride change your thoughts on this? Tell us in the comments.