Bridesmaids who stand together… or fall apart.

So they popped the BIG question! That is your BFF popped the question asking will you be my bridesmaid? Well we’re here to help give you some bridesmaid advice because…

The Oath

…of course you said yes! Then you swore the oath, “of being an honorary member of the biggest day of her life. Taking on a fair amount of duties and expenses that will be equally divided among her bridesmaids. Plus sharing in the fun and partying of a cinema style, Vegas bachelorette party.”

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…..but maybe what it really ended up being was more like “I promise to: not bitch slap your Bridezilla ass on the biggest day of your life. I’ll take on my portion of duties and expenses—along with any other Bridesmaid who fails to find the need to participate. And I’ll help you find your balance after way too many drinks at your bachelorette party!”

Now you might say, wait a minute, your sister’s wedding is your first time taking on bridesmaid duties, so how do you know all this? Well my friends I’ve been to my fair share of bachelorette parties and bridal showers as a guest. Plus at 32 years old I have plenty of friends who’ve been in the bridesmaid game 5, 6, 7, even 8+ times already. So I’ve heard my fair share of stories. Chatting with my friends about this site helped me find out what to do so you avoid that bridal party drama that seems so inevitable!

#1 – Have a Bridesmaids Meeting

Sit down with your fellow bridesmaids in the beginning and make a game plan. In most situations someone will take the lead. Just keep in mind an overbearing bridesmaid can be as troublesome as a passive bridesmaid. It’s best if you figure out and understand which type of bridesmaid you are right away. Then use this meeting as your chance to either speak up or listen up!

This meeting will be a good opportunity to feel out the bridal party vibe. Discuss everyone’s expectations in order to avoid potential issues. Some will be willing to contribute more time and money than others. Hash out what’s needed and distribute expenses and duties in a way you all deem fair. Be open to the idea that one bridesmaid may be willing to put up the cash instead of doing the leg work, and vice versa.

Everyone has a different situation, so the most important thing is for each bridesmaid to be able to accept that one person’s way of helping may not look the same as another’s way of helping.

#2 – Keep the bridesmaids’ woes to yourself!

One of the last things you want to do is stress out the bride and be the cause of her being a bridezilla! Yeah sure, she’s your BFF, your childhood friend, your college roommate, or even your sister. But you HAVE to remember that she picked each bridesmaid for a reason. You may not know the other bridesmaids well. Or you might know them real well and not even like some of them. No matter what, at a bare minimum you need to be civil.

Regardless of what arises, stop and think before telling your bride about any “bridesmaid drama.” You’ll be talking trash about a person who is obviously very important to her and that might not sit well. Unfortunately we sometimes have to take on the burden of bridesmaid drama without fueling the fire.

Do your best to involve who you can with bridal party decisions. If someone’s not interested in helping in a particular way, it may be best to leave them out. Find the bridesmaids who want to help. Seek out the mother-of-the-bride and the bride’s soon to be mother-in-law for help. Chances are they are more than willing! If you find yourself doing a lot on your own, at least you get to make all the party planning decisions!

#3 – If your bride wouldn’t stress about it, you shouldn’t stress about it.

Is she really going to care if you don’t throw her a bridal shower that pulls out all the stops? If not all the bridesmaids are contributing it’s going to be hard to pull out any stops! But think of it this way; your bride picked the girls who are the closest and most meaningful to her. Their main job is to represent something important to her on her wedding day.

Don’t stress about all of the extra stuff that is supposed to be fun! If a bridesmaid can’t afford to put a lot of money toward a party try and put their skills to use. Maybe they are crafty and can make decorations. If they are an awesome cook, let them help make food. Maybe they have great taste in music and can put together the perfect party playlist. Whatever it is, help them find their place in the planning. Chances are they are feeling bad about not contributing enough, or they don’t even realize their help is needed.

We know that taking on the honor of a bridesmaid can be joyful or difficult depending on your fellow bridesmaid support team. Whether you took it all on yourself or you had the bliss of sharing the work we want to hear your story!


What do you think of this bridesmaid advice? Share with us in the comments.

14 thoughts on “Bridesmaids who stand together… or fall apart.

  1. Great post. “Keep your bridesmaids woes to yourself” is a tough one to follow!” Especially when you are in one wedding party for this summer and you complain to another bride whose wedding you are in next summer. Going to need to keep these tips in mind! Great post.

  2. Very funny! I was a maid of honor in a wedding and the other bridesmaids felt some kind of way because they were family. They made things difficult. I grinned and bared it because it wasn’t about me and that’s the point.

    • I’ve heard of this happening. One bride told me she picked a friend over family as MOH because she wanted the person that she could trust to get stuff done. I imagine though that can be a tough pill to swallow.

  3. Ha! Nice job. I’ll admit I wasn’t the best bridesmaid the first couple of times! But we don’t necessarily know what we are doing if we’ve had no experience!

  4. This is such a great post! I’ve had conversations with my girlfriends about it so many times… A wedding is so stressful! Its a shame that sometimes friendships can get shaken up.

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